Percy Jackson and the Almighty Doormat
by Halesia Carolina
Summary: "It was almost a full month after Gaea was defeated, and Percy Jackson had important business. Namely, important business with one son of Hades..." Something of a crack fic. Oneshot.


**Here we go! I had this one-shot idea and couldn't rest until I put it down. Then I thought, why not post it? Please forgive my terrible, pun-oriented sense of humor. Lights...cameras...action!**

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It was almost a full month after Gaea was defeated, and Percy Jackson had important business. Namely, important business with one son of Hades.

So he was, very purposefully (he was pretty sure that Annabeth had stopped rubbing off on him and had started _becoming_ part of him), walking towards Cabin 13. His chin was held up, strides long, and shoulders forwards as he made his way to the dark, gloomy building.

Newer campers would stare at Percy as he walked by, then avert their gazes guiltily. Familiar ones waved to him or called out to him, but did not approach him. His clear intent made them sure that he shouldn't—couldn't be interrupted.

Finally Percy reached the (black) porch of the (black) cabin and stepped onto the (black) wood, standing in front of the (bla- _really dark gray_ ) door. The green torches flickered (un-)invitingly. He took a deep (not black) breath and knocked.

Percy simply couldn't understand. How could he not be Nico's type?! How could he not be _anyone's_ type?! He knew that if he said these things out loud Annabeth would judo-flip him, which was why he had waited so long. He and Annabeth had been spending every waking (and sleeping) second together after the war, and it was only recently that they started to separate a little.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the (shiny black) doorknob turned. The door opened to reveal one Nico di Angelo, leaning against it. Nico fidgeted somewhat awkwardly with his t-shirt, which was…green! Okay, reeeeally dark green, but Percy almost couldn't believe his eyes. He thought his mouth might be open, but shut it when his cousin spoke.

"So, Percy…what is it?" The son of Poseidon looked back at Nico's face. "I just wanted to kn…" That was when his eyes happened to glance downwards and noticed something on the ground. Percy's vision locked down onto the thing beneath his very feet…it locked onto _it_.

 _It_ was something he never thought he'd see in this of all places. _It_ was shocking…awe-inspiring…unexpected…almost _intimidating_. _It_ was… a doormat. But not just any doormat. No, this was a special doormat.

It was gray, but so dark it could almost be black, and _fluffy_. Percy didn't know why he hadn't noticed it before, but his shoes were an inch deep in it. A (just a few shades darker) black border formed a rectangle a few inches in from the sides. But most shocking of all was the writing.

Written in an eerie green (to go with the torches), looping, flourishing, demigod-dyslexia-killer font was the word…

…

…

…

…

… _Hellcome_.

Percy couldn't believe it. He seriously couldn't believe it—even less than he could believe Nico wearing a color or not being his type. Percy just gawked and gawked at the doormat. He finally came to when Nico brought him out of his trance.

"Percy, Percy, you okay?" Percy shook his head and nodded slowly. "Nico, where…where did you get that? When? _Why_?" Nico followed his gaze and blushed a little. "Oh, that…Will was redecorating and told me to get a doormat so it could be more 'inviting'. One thing led to another and…" He spread his arms to indicate the object of interest.

Percy nodded slowly and stepped back. Nico glanced at him and decided it was time to bail. "Well, it that's all, then…" He shut the door. Percy was left standing, dazed. Then he blinked, shook his head again to clear it, and walked back to his cabin, an idea sprouting in his mind.

Later that week, Annabeth would sigh exasperatedly as her boyfriend smiled sheepishly, glancing down at Cabin 3's new "Whalecome" mat.

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 **Please! Review! Don't be shy, I won't kill you. I'll love you! Even just a favorite is good...**


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